Trying to remember to take care of myself. That even as the wheel of life turns, I have to keep on keepin’ on. It ain’t easy.
I’m alone this weekend, just me and the kitty.
I was able to give her the sub q fluids last night. Although, I was nearly hysterical the whole time…. and she barely flinched when I stuck the needle in. She just kept on eating….After 17 years of the same ole dry cat food, she seems to be really diggin’ all the new, wet, (gross smelling) flavors she’s never had the chance to try before this weekend.
I just want her last days, weeks, months, whatever to be filled with delicious food and all the love I can give her.I know she’s supposed to be on the special prescription food, and I haven’t given it to her yet, so I don’t know if she likes it, but if she’s just going to die anyway, why give her crappy food? Why not give her all the treats, and all the yummies I can fit into her last days? As long as she’s not in pain, and what she eats doesn’t cause her pain, I will be fitting in as much deliciousness as I can, alongside her prescription food. I just know if I were dying, I would be eating all the gluten filled goodness I could……..
At any rate, I was really mad at the hubs last night, for leaving me to do all this alone. But I woke up this morning for my long run and felt quite a bit more relaxed and less angry. Hell, I’m not even angry at all anymore! Running is way cheaper than therapy!
Speaking of the long run….. I wasn’t feeling particularly motivated today. I struggled to get up, and while laying in bed deciding whether or not I was going to run, I started thinking about the things that motivate me.
I have discovered that I am way more competitive in my “old” age than I ever was when I was younger. I never cared much for traditional sports (still don’t, unless its track or cycling), and I never really cared if I was any good at anything. Until now.
So I got to thinking about what motivates me.
And the bottom line is that voice in my head that tells me I’ll always be that fat girl, sitting on the couch eating bon bons, not living a vibrant enough life to keep her bf from cheating on her. And that voice morphs into that particular bf’s voice, telling me my clothes are unflattering and I’m not a “real” runner, since I’m probably not going to stick with it anyway… like all the diet and exercise regimes I’ve tried over the years.
When I started running it was February 2012.
That voice comes back to me over the years, reminding me there were people out there who didn’t think I could.
And it makes me feel like I have to keep re-proving myself year after year.
Especially after his wife started running.
So I compete in my head against myself from 5 years ago. I have to keep proving to MYSELF that I’m not that girl who didn’t care whether or not she was good at something.
I discovered I was good, REALLY GOOD (not fast), at running long distances. I love the distance, and I try to stay motivated by reminding myself that I am better than I was yesterday.
When I got up this morning, I started getting dressed, and fed the cat.
and she ate. a lot. I felt like that was the sign that it was time to get out there.
She’s eating, I’m running. And long after she’s gone, I will still be running. For her, for me, for those who can’t.
What motivates you to get out there and do it (whatever it is)?