Anxiety, Depression, Sadness, Malaise…

I haven’t been feeling quite myself lately. The cat is sick…. dying. And it’s got me all sorts of depressed. I am forgetting to take my supplements in the morning, I’m run down, tired, crying a lot…. not eating, but then having ice cream for dinner… My anxiety is getting a little more intense- as it does when there are other mental issues happening. When I have to give so much focus to looking like I’m feeling ok, (ya know, going to work, smiling at my students, not biting the heads off my assistants, and otherwise just being a good teacher…. ) when that is taking so much of my focus, the anxiety monster that I spend my days keeping under control gets a little less of my attention, and squeaks through with more intense … anxiety.  It’s hard to explain my everyday struggle to people who don’t have an anxiety disorder.

I’m one of the lucky ones. Up till this point, I have not taken medication to control it. I have techniques that help me stay calm, and I have booze for social awkwardness. 🙂

 

So I made some decisions about my day to day that I feel will have a more positive impact on me, and things to do that will keep me on track.

First of all, summer school ends next Friday, so that’s one less thing to worry about!

I’ve booked myself a 2 week vacation in sunny Florida for the beginning of August. Like 2 days after work ends, I’m out.

I took a little break from running- my knees were bothering me and my IT band felt now was a good time to remind me it was there (thanks but I could have survived without THAT reminder). But then I got back to it with a 5k last Saturday.

I got to run around Yankee Stadium, and do a couple laps around the warning track.  It was also about 300 stairs. So time-wise, not good. But I had enough left in the tank to kick it up a notch to the finish line, and lo and behold…. RUNNERS HIGH IS BACK!!!!!

And then today came, and I knew I had to run at least a little. So I forced myself to get up at 5:30am and go for a run.  It was only a mile. It’s all I felt like doing. When I’m feeling so down, I try to be kind to myself. So I didn’t beat myself up about not running further…. It was already about 75 degrees and 85% humidity. But I ran the whole mile. No intervals. First time I have run a complete mile without pain or struggle since probably 2014/2015. Just started running and felt damn good.  And it was significantly faster than I have been since 2015.

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And the very last thing I did this week to try to remind myself that I am going to be ok….. I filled out the last of my paperwork to be a coach (!!!) for Girls on the Run! This is probably even more exciting than today’s mile! I get to coach a sport I love and share and empower young girls to love themselves. This is pretty exciting for me. ❤

I’m hoping to make the 5:30am run a regular thing, particularly b/c we are finally really hitting the intense heat of the summer here in the Northeast…. and I do NOT like running when it’s warm….. snowing? I’m all about it. Sunny and hot? NO THANK YOU.

I’m about a week behind on marathon training, but that’s ok… just going to keep being kind to myself and remember to breathe.

Peace!

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4 thoughts on “Anxiety, Depression, Sadness, Malaise…

    • thank you! It took years of therapy to figure out how not to be cruel to myself and that its OK to take a moment and take care of myself first….. Going to take a much needed break from real life and spend a holiday with my family. I can’t wait! But I’ll be back, and hopefully will do some running in Florida (although the heat…. oh god.) 🙂 Thanks for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

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