Depression really fucking blows.
It has sucked my life force away these last weeks… losing a pet hurts. A Lot more than I anticipated.
Perspective- my younger brother died in March 1997. Surrounded by family, including me. I was 21 and this was the height of my pain up to that point, and beyond as well. I watched him take his last breaths, I watched his eyes flutter and the breathing stop. I had nightmares and sadness and crying and anger and all the things death of a loved one brings out of us.
And i survived. And lived to tell the tale and aid others who were struggling with loss.
I fancied myself an expert on death and mourning… I mean my people have been slowly dying since I was in about 5th grade…great grandparents, grandparents, aunts, brother…. I really felt I had this whole death and mourning thing down.
Then my cat dies and my world shifts and throws me into Crazytown. Can’t get through a day without tears, can’t find the motivation to do anything I loved, particularly run.
Eventually, as we know it will, the fog starts to lift, I start to run again….but around every corner of my house is a reminder of my lost girl. And my empty lap.
My lap is so empty.
I fill it with a laptop, and somehow just a few weeks later find myself perusing petfinder…
I cannot bare to get another cat… not now, not yet. But maybe a small dog?
So that happened.
This is our new family member, Joey McStubbins. He’s a Bagle (Basset Hound/Beagle mix). All the love and all the cuddles… I’m finally feeling like myself, although a little sadder than before.
Running? Well… there are 17 days to go. I feel pretty good. I ran a half in Brooklyn last weekend and managed to shave about 10 min off my previous time……. Rock N Roll Brooklyn Half… was quite a lot of fun!
Since I did this one all by myself (hubs was camping), I didn’t get any finish line pics… well. Not any I want to share LOL. I look like a hot mess after long distance running!
I’m feeling damn good about November 5, and now that I have my corral and wave assignment… I know shit just got real.
Sadly I am once again in the last wave and last corral…. but whatever. I’ll once again outrun the sweeper bus.